It's not a lot. It's not really a smile at all. But the vibe is there, that's close enough. And maybe the little squeeze he gives their hand in return, that's pretty close, too.]
Good. Just like how you important to me, you gettin' friends is important to me, too. I want ya to have as many friends as you can - just a goofy-goofy amount of'em. Folks ya know you can rely on, folks who you think're important. Folks you can protect, but who can protect you, too.
Havin' that is part of bein' your own person.
[At least, that's how he sees it!]
... It's been nice, gettin' to watch ya reach that.
[ Nen turns a little--just a little, so they don't have to work so hard to look back at him--and gives him a look that's not quite a smile, but is something a little...softer. Without the crook of lips. It's been a long time since anyone observed their behaviour the way they default to thinking about...but at the same time, it's nothing like that.
Chipp isn't recording stuff for study. He doesn't care about the volume of friends. He just wants Nen to care, be cared for, and be happy. It makes that little ball of happy tightness inside their chest expand, just a fraction. ]
Hell yeah, I do! I mean, you always been some kinda special, or unique - You were shovellin' snow in your mouth like you was dyin' of thirst when we met. Not really the kinda thing usual folks do.
But you learnin', growin'. Figurin' out more of yourself, how that extends outside of just who you are. Findin' all the li'l pathways that takes what makes you "you" and connects it with all the folks 'round you, too. I'm real proud of ya, Nenett.
[ LMFAO oh boy, Nen sure was doing that when they first met, weren't they... they still do not regret. Snow was a marvel!! ]
You're proud of me.
[ Nen just has to repeat that a little, don't mind them. Their eyes might be a little round, pupil a little more slit, but the way they clutch his hand as he says that should, if nothing else, be telling. ]
I feel...big. Like I can do things even though I am unskilled at them.
[ That would be called feeling delighted, Nen. Confident. Proud. ]
[Yeah, he can't help wheezing out a laugh or two at the sentiment. Cute... Nenonen is so cute?? Thoughts that are going to go unvoiced, of course.]
I only ever feel like that when I went and got myself wasted, but since you ain't - My next guess is confident. You feelin' confident, like you could take on anything 'cause someone said they proud of you. Which is good. Just means I'm gonna have to tell ya that more often!
[That fidgeting doesn't go unnoticed, of course. They're getting both of their hands now scooped up into one of his - not difficult, considering how thin their fingers are. And how... not his are.]
Awright. I'll make sure to tell ya that whenever you do somethin' worth it. Can't just say it outta the blue, right? That'd make it lose its special. But you been doin' a lot lately and doin' it good... maybe you deserve to hear it a couple times more tonight.
[ Oh...yup, there it is. The growth of that happy ball of warmth inside them that makes Nen feel just a little electric. IT feels even better than gaining special privileges back in the research tower. Better than positive results on their tests. It feels...more.
Chipp's hand swallow their up like its nothing, but it does little to stop Nen from holding onto the meat of his thumb and the flesh near his pinky with both hands, clasping him like something precious (because spoilers, he is). ]
...Yes. At least three more times will be sufficient.
Three more times, huh? I'll have to see if I can fit that quota in before midnight. Pretty sure we ain't more than a couple minutes away - can't be more than somethin' like 11:57.
Unless you want me to wait for it to roll over...? Could be somethin' new for you.
[Yes, he's still thinking about that. Of course he's still thinking about that - it's something important to them, why wouldn't it be on his mind still?]
[ That is a brilliant idea??? Like Nen visibly perks up at the suggestion, hands gripping his all the more tightly for it. Their face might not display their excitement, but their grip certainly does. ]
[Oop - don't mind him, he's just gonna duck his head a bit behind theirs to hide his face from sight for the moment. He could feel his face trying to stretch into a real, actual smile, a clumsy expression that looks more like he's in pain than anything happy - not something he wants them to see, preferably ever.]
Well... good thing it ain't midnight just yet. Gives me a couple minutes to think of what I'm gonna have to praise you for. Three times - that's three whole things I could be proud of, yeah?
Got any requests?
[He's teasing, but y'know. If they do have something like that, he'll take their suggestions seriously.]
[ Excuse Nenonen while they give this some Serious ThoughtTM. If this is going to be their unique start to the day, they want to do it right. What's something they've worked hard on now, something that would be nice to be recognized for...? ]
...I'm working hard to walk more. I only take the stairs now--and I can walk to the store and back without needing a break now. I can't lift lots yet, but my arms don't hurt after carrying books or bags anymore. That is a marked improvement for me.
[That's surprised enough that it even comes matched with him sitting up behind them - propped up on the arm that's not looped over Nenonen, his hand still clutching both of theirs. He even takes a second to look them over, lifting their arms (since he does have their hands) and looking down at their legs.
There's definitely some noticeable improvement, there.]
Mais - you really gettin' there, ain'tcha? I dunno if I can hold it in 'till midnight rolls over, you look like you been workin' hard!
... That's a good reason to wanna build yourself up, yeah. Real sweet of ya. Would like to take you out more - lotta the places I hang out need ya to be strong enough to keep up with me, y'know?
[Mr. "I scale buildings when I'm bored" over here. He gets himself laying down again, squished behind them against the sofa.]
Maybe someday you'll get to do whole grocery trips on your own? Pickin' out all the foods ya like, bringin'em in on your own... the whole thing.
OH WEH that would have been cute....maybe even ticklish lmfao
[ Scaling them sideways, no less... Nen's not sure there's enough strength training in the world to enable them to do that, but. It sure won't stop them from trying. ]
Yes! I want to keep up to you. I will do my best, so please take me places with you. I want to see everything.
[ Chipp may settle, but now it's Nenonen's turn to push up a little on one of their elbows, eyes bright as they look down at him. And--as they spare a glance to the analog clock across the way? Nen stops, pauses for a second--and then turns to him quickly. ]
--It is tomorrow. Say something new to praise me.
1/2; note to self: tickle punishment for face squishing
[- Oh. They've turned toward him. As in, they're now facing him. As in, they're now on the couch facing each other in a position that is, in fact, a good solid amount of cuddling. At least, like, 80% cuddling. If he had a pulse, it'd probably tick up by a couple beats just thanks to this.]
U-uhh...
[(But that means their praise is getting served with a side of High Level Magic.)]
[Actually, y'know what'll help him, here? If he just takes their face into his hands outright. Feel a little bit like he isn't just going with the flow and banging against the walls 'cause he's bad at it. His face might be a bright shade of orange, but at least theirs is cute and being held right where he can see it!!]
... Well, obviously I'm proud of ya for workin' so hard on yourself. Makin' sure you self-sufficient by gettin' those muscles worked. I bet ya like gettin' help from folks like me, but I know you gonna really like havin' that independence for yourself, too. The kinda independence you deserve.
And, lessee... [He has to look away for a second, just because eye contact feels a bit weird while he's thinking. But he DID say he was going to praise them thrice, didn't he?]
You been makin' strides at French, too. Don't think I ain't noticin' when you slip it on in your sentences like it ain't nothin'! You good at makin' me feel important that way, ain't somethin' I'm used to. Je suis fier de toi, and I'm happy you even tryin' in the first place.
And... I'm proud of ya for facin' all these tomorrows as they come. Coulda been real easy to just roll over, don't pay attention to none of them, check out of everything after the kinda shit you been through - but ya didn't. You a little fighter, 'n seein' you so happy 'bout livin' been one of the best parts o' bein' here with everyone so far.
[... That's all followed up with a pat on the cheek.]
[ Goddamn Nen loves high-level magic. It's almost as good as what comes next as Chipp finds his stride and zeroes in on what he wants to praise. Just maybe...three was too much. Because what started as a tiny little bundle of warmth in their chest now begins to expand rapidly as they take it all in.
I know you gonna really like havin' that independence for yourself, too. The kinda independence you deserve. You good at makin' me feel important that way, ain't somethin' I'm used to. seein' you so happy 'bout livin' been one of the best parts o' bein' here with everyone so far.
He's not just happy that they've done something. He's happy for them. Proud of the things they've done for themself. Proud they're growing, becoming their own person--not because they're aligning or performing according to a set of predetermined parameters. He's proud because they're them, and that's never happened to Nenonen before.
Nen might not blush, but by the end of it? They're definitely on both hands and knees, staring down at him with round eyes and a look of barely-contained excitement on their face. Their hands arr tiny fists. Their lips are pressed together in a thin line. And when he asks if that's good enough?
It is. It really, really is. ]
Yes...! Chipp! It was perfect! Thank you...thank you!
[Toooo be honest? He can't actually tell what that expression on their face is. From his point of view, it just looks like "8|". But he holds his ground waiting for their response - and that's enough to get rid of any tension that had gathered up in his shoulders, something that they may even be able to feel when it makes his hold on their face loosen just a tad.
He's smiling, of course. As much as he can be - enough that they'd be able to tell.]
Naw. This is all stuff I was gonna tell you at some point, y'know. Hard not to when you out here makin' so many strides - I'm all about makin' sure someone's efforts are noticed! World sucks too much to not.
[ They do feel it--and Chipp's about to feel it when they grab his face with both hands and press a nice, big smooch straight to his lil ninja star of a scar. Right smack on the forehead!! Mwah.
[- They kissed him. They kissed him? No, more than that - they kissed his scar.
He's left quietly searching their face for a moment, before he looks up in the direction of his scar, hand coming up to cover it gently. His blush has increased immensely in intensity, of course. This is something incredibly new that he's having to quickly quantify in his mind for a moment. Because no one's ever done that before. "What, kiss his scar?" Haha! No. Kiss him in general. His scarring used to be so much gnarlier in life, he'd grown accustom to his quick flings avoiding his face entirely. Let alone actually drawing attention to any of his scars at all. Let alone kissing one of them.
There are so many huge implications for him all wrapped up in that one little peck, he can't help but stare blankly like an idiot for a second or two.]
[ This Nen declares confidently and with pride as they lean forward, hands still on his face as they take in every inch of that wonderful orange glow. Nen is coming to realize that they really like seeing people blush--especially men--so this? Is just great. Excellent. Nen gets to appreciate it close-up.
But also, it just felt like the right thing to do. The forehead smooch, that is. ]
It is a friendship kiss.
[ Which means it is neither wet nor full of tongue. If Nen had done this, like, 2 weeks ago? That's what he would have gotten. Just a whole...lotta tonguing. ]
[Like - Realistically, objectively, he knows exactly what they mean by that. A kiss between friends. Just a little peck on the forehead. It SHOULD be whatever. For most people - especially others who are friends with Nenonen - it probably is just whatever. But the concept just... catches itself in the cogs of his mind, somehow? His face scrunches up, that hand keeps its fingers gently touching his scar, and it's like his brain is trying to do American math without changing any measurements in metric.
They kissed him. They kissed HIM. They kissed one of his scars - one of the things that kept him ostracized in life, something that the public was very ready to comment and judge upon when his face had been plastered all over TV screens and newspapers. The dorky "skin of a killer" concept but ramped up to 110, to real world violence and failure of the system and PTSD, to partners turning away from him in the light and children pointing fingers and people on the streets mumbling amongst themselves, all these concepts wrapped up in one. And they kissed it.
After finishing up all the math necessary, his brain puts out the only thing that it thinks makes any logical sense in the moment - He starts crying.
It's just tears bubbling up in his eyes, no sobbing and not much of a change to his expression, but it's crying nonetheless.]
U-uh... m- Merci.
[It's as quiet and muttered as one might expect, but he still means it.]
[ Chipp is crying. That's not the response Nenonen was going for. The high-level magic, sure, but they didn't want him to do this. Nen has very limited experience with people crying--in fact, they've never seen anyone who wasn't an Essenceborn cry before. Chipp's tears are...light. So much lighter than their own. They're clear. Not black like ink, not charcoal grey or any other colour in between.
It just looks like...water.
Nen stares at him as they reach up to touch one of his tears, unable to help themself from wiping it from the corner of one eye. ]
You're crying. Did I do something wrong?
[ Nen doesn't like the thought of that. Nen doesn't like the thought of having been the one to make him cry. Nen's only experiences with crying have been bad or negative--so of course they think that's what's going on right now. ]
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It's not a lot. It's not really a smile at all. But the vibe is there, that's close enough.
And maybe the little squeeze he gives their hand in return, that's pretty close, too.]
Good. Just like how you important to me, you gettin' friends is important to me, too. I want ya to have as many friends as you can - just a goofy-goofy amount of'em.
Folks ya know you can rely on, folks who you think're important. Folks you can protect, but who can protect you, too.
Havin' that is part of bein' your own person.
[At least, that's how he sees it!]
... It's been nice, gettin' to watch ya reach that.
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[ Nen turns a little--just a little, so they don't have to work so hard to look back at him--and gives him a look that's not quite a smile, but is something a little...softer. Without the crook of lips. It's been a long time since anyone observed their behaviour the way they default to thinking about...but at the same time, it's nothing like that.
Chipp isn't recording stuff for study. He doesn't care about the volume of friends. He just wants Nen to care, be cared for, and be happy. It makes that little ball of happy tightness inside their chest expand, just a fraction. ]
You think I'm more of my own person?
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You were shovellin' snow in your mouth like you was dyin' of thirst when we met. Not really the kinda thing usual folks do.
But you learnin', growin'. Figurin' out more of yourself, how that extends outside of just who you are.
Findin' all the li'l pathways that takes what makes you "you" and connects it with all the folks 'round you, too.
I'm real proud of ya, Nenett.
[And he means it. He means it a lot.]
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they still do not regret. Snow was a marvel!!]You're proud of me.
[ Nen just has to repeat that a little, don't mind them. Their eyes might be a little round, pupil a little more slit, but the way they clutch his hand as he says that should, if nothing else, be telling. ]
I feel...big. Like I can do things even though I am unskilled at them.
[ That would be called feeling delighted, Nen. Confident. Proud. ]
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Thoughts that are going to go unvoiced, of course.]
I only ever feel like that when I went and got myself wasted, but since you ain't -
My next guess is confident. You feelin' confident, like you could take on anything 'cause someone said they proud of you.
Which is good. Just means I'm gonna have to tell ya that more often!
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[ It feels pretty dang good. Nen's felt sure of things before, but this is different than that. Bigger.
They fidget a little, inhaling, then exhaling. ]
I would like to hear you are proud of me more often, yes.
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And how... not his are.]
Awright. I'll make sure to tell ya that whenever you do somethin' worth it.
Can't just say it outta the blue, right? That'd make it lose its special.
But you been doin' a lot lately and doin' it good... maybe you deserve to hear it a couple times more tonight.
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Chipp's hand swallow their up like its nothing, but it does little to stop Nen from holding onto the meat of his thumb and the flesh near his pinky with both hands, clasping him like something precious (because spoilers, he is). ]
...Yes. At least three more times will be sufficient.
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Pretty sure we ain't more than a couple minutes away - can't be more than somethin' like 11:57.
Unless you want me to wait for it to roll over...? Could be somethin' new for you.
[Yes, he's still thinking about that. Of course he's still thinking about that - it's something important to them, why wouldn't it be on his mind still?]
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[ That is a brilliant idea??? Like Nen visibly perks up at the suggestion, hands gripping his all the more tightly for it. Their face might not display their excitement, but their grip certainly does. ]
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He could feel his face trying to stretch into a real, actual smile, a clumsy expression that looks more like he's in pain than anything happy - not something he wants them to see, preferably ever.]
Well... good thing it ain't midnight just yet. Gives me a couple minutes to think of what I'm gonna have to praise you for.
Three times - that's three whole things I could be proud of, yeah?
Got any requests?
[He's teasing, but y'know. If they do have something like that, he'll take their suggestions seriously.]
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[ Excuse Nenonen while they give this some Serious ThoughtTM. If this is going to be their unique start to the day, they want to do it right. What's something they've worked hard on now, something that would be nice to be recognized for...? ]
...I'm working hard to walk more. I only take the stairs now--and I can walk to the store and back without needing a break now. I can't lift lots yet, but my arms don't hurt after carrying books or bags anymore. That is a marked improvement for me.
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[That's surprised enough that it even comes matched with him sitting up behind them - propped up on the arm that's not looped over Nenonen, his hand still clutching both of theirs.
He even takes a second to look them over, lifting their arms (since he does have their hands) and looking down at their legs.
There's definitely some noticeable improvement, there.]
Mais - you really gettin' there, ain'tcha? I dunno if I can hold it in 'till midnight rolls over, you look like you been workin' hard!
wao lookin at nen's legs there huh i see i see
[ Maybe not fight, but at least they won't be so weak as to drop a stack of books after only holding it for five minutes. ]
And also carry groceries. Yuuto helps a lot but I want to be able to do it too.
i almost had him actually go and feel for muscle but that wouldve meant letting their hands go 😔
Would like to take you out more - lotta the places I hang out need ya to be strong enough to keep up with me, y'know?
[Mr. "I scale buildings when I'm bored" over here.
He gets himself laying down again, squished behind them against the sofa.]
Maybe someday you'll get to do whole grocery trips on your own? Pickin' out all the foods ya like, bringin'em in on your own... the whole thing.
OH WEH that would have been cute....maybe even ticklish lmfao
Yes! I want to keep up to you. I will do my best, so please take me places with you. I want to see everything.
[ Chipp may settle, but now it's Nenonen's turn to push up a little on one of their elbows, eyes bright as they look down at him. And--as they spare a glance to the analog clock across the way? Nen stops, pauses for a second--and then turns to him quickly. ]
--It is tomorrow. Say something new to praise me.
1/2; note to self: tickle punishment for face squishing
As in, they're now on the couch facing each other in a position that is, in fact, a good solid amount of cuddling. At least, like, 80% cuddling.
If he had a pulse, it'd probably tick up by a couple beats just thanks to this.]
U-uhh...
[(But that means their praise is getting served with a side of High Level Magic.)]
Lemme... lemme think.
2/2;
Feel a little bit like he isn't just going with the flow and banging against the walls 'cause he's bad at it.
His face might be a bright shade of orange, but at least theirs is cute and being held right where he can see it!!]
... Well, obviously I'm proud of ya for workin' so hard on yourself. Makin' sure you self-sufficient by gettin' those muscles worked.
I bet ya like gettin' help from folks like me, but I know you gonna really like havin' that independence for yourself, too.
The kinda independence you deserve.
And, lessee... [He has to look away for a second, just because eye contact feels a bit weird while he's thinking.
But he DID say he was going to praise them thrice, didn't he?]
You been makin' strides at French, too. Don't think I ain't noticin' when you slip it on in your sentences like it ain't nothin'!
You good at makin' me feel important that way, ain't somethin' I'm used to. Je suis fier de toi, and I'm happy you even tryin' in the first place.
And... I'm proud of ya for facin' all these tomorrows as they come. Coulda been real easy to just roll over, don't pay attention to none of them, check out of everything after the kinda shit you been through - but ya didn't.
You a little fighter, 'n seein' you so happy 'bout livin' been one of the best parts o' bein' here with everyone so far.
[... That's all followed up with a pat on the cheek.]
All that good enough for ya?
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I know you gonna really like havin' that independence for yourself, too.
The kinda independence you deserve.
You good at makin' me feel important that way, ain't somethin' I'm used to.
seein' you so happy 'bout livin' been one of the best parts o' bein' here with everyone so far.
He's not just happy that they've done something. He's happy for them. Proud of the things they've done for themself. Proud they're growing, becoming their own person--not because they're aligning or performing according to a set of predetermined parameters. He's proud because they're them, and that's never happened to Nenonen before.
Nen might not blush, but by the end of it? They're definitely on both hands and knees, staring down at him with round eyes and a look of barely-contained excitement on their face. Their hands arr tiny fists. Their lips are pressed together in a thin line. And when he asks if that's good enough?
It is. It really, really is. ]
Yes...! Chipp! It was perfect! Thank you...thank you!
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But he holds his ground waiting for their response - and that's enough to get rid of any tension that had gathered up in his shoulders, something that they may even be able to feel when it makes his hold on their face loosen just a tad.
He's smiling, of course. As much as he can be - enough that they'd be able to tell.]
Naw. This is all stuff I was gonna tell you at some point, y'know. Hard not to when you out here makin' so many strides -
I'm all about makin' sure someone's efforts are noticed! World sucks too much to not.
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A perfect Friend KissTM, as taught by Yuuto. ]
I am happy. Very happy.
This is a great start to a new day.
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They kissed him?
No, more than that - they kissed his scar.
He's left quietly searching their face for a moment, before he looks up in the direction of his scar, hand coming up to cover it gently.
His blush has increased immensely in intensity, of course. This is something incredibly new that he's having to quickly quantify in his mind for a moment.
Because no one's ever done that before. "What, kiss his scar?" Haha! No.
Kiss him in general.
His scarring used to be so much gnarlier in life, he'd grown accustom to his quick flings avoiding his face entirely. Let alone actually drawing attention to any of his scars at all.
Let alone kissing one of them.
There are so many huge implications for him all wrapped up in that one little peck, he can't help but stare blankly like an idiot for a second or two.]
... You kissed me.
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[ This Nen declares confidently and with pride as they lean forward, hands still on his face as they take in every inch of that wonderful orange glow. Nen is coming to realize that they really like seeing people blush--especially men--so this? Is just great. Excellent. Nen gets to appreciate it close-up.
But also, it just felt like the right thing to do. The forehead smooch, that is. ]
It is a friendship kiss.
[ Which means it is neither wet nor full of tongue. If Nen had done this, like, 2 weeks ago? That's what he would have gotten. Just a whole...lotta tonguing. ]
im sorry he's so awkward
[Like -
Realistically, objectively, he knows exactly what they mean by that. A kiss between friends. Just a little peck on the forehead. It SHOULD be whatever. For most people - especially others who are friends with Nenonen - it probably is just whatever.
But the concept just... catches itself in the cogs of his mind, somehow?
His face scrunches up, that hand keeps its fingers gently touching his scar, and it's like his brain is trying to do American math without changing any measurements in metric.
They kissed him. They kissed HIM. They kissed one of his scars - one of the things that kept him ostracized in life, something that the public was very ready to comment and judge upon when his face had been plastered all over TV screens and newspapers.
The dorky "skin of a killer" concept but ramped up to 110, to real world violence and failure of the system and PTSD, to partners turning away from him in the light and children pointing fingers and people on the streets mumbling amongst themselves, all these concepts wrapped up in one.
And they kissed it.
After finishing up all the math necessary, his brain puts out the only thing that it thinks makes any logical sense in the moment -
He starts crying.
It's just tears bubbling up in his eyes, no sobbing and not much of a change to his expression, but it's crying nonetheless.]
U-uh... m-
Merci.
[It's as quiet and muttered as one might expect, but he still means it.]
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It just looks like...water.
Nen stares at him as they reach up to touch one of his tears, unable to help themself from wiping it from the corner of one eye. ]
You're crying. Did I do something wrong?
[ Nen doesn't like the thought of that. Nen doesn't like the thought of having been the one to make him cry. Nen's only experiences with crying have been bad or negative--so of course they think that's what's going on right now. ]
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why did spell check tell me "inferrance" is correct
spellcheck trolling you this early in the morning is rude
taking advantage of my dyslexia, knowing id shrug like "ok sure that looks correct"
pats u :'c
pats nen so much more???
jdkf ;u;/// also **nod, not now gd hamhands
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eyyy camping psl becomes canon B)
no no, sweet & tender first time first, THEN the camping psl
oh weh....precious
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cw: mention of euthanasia/suicide...of a sort? choosing death over going home basically
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