... Uhh. [Fuck. He forgot that Nen isn't the type to just leave well enough alone. He actually has to look away in thought for a moment, rubbing his chin as his face scrunches up.]
... Okay, it's - Well, first, don't go doin' this with just... anyone, okay? It's kinda special, save it for someone special to ya. Someone that makes your chest feel funny, you know? The kinda person you wanna see all the time.
[This is the closest he's probably ever going to get when it comes to explaining what love is. Because that's the closest he's ever really figured out for himself.]
Spoonin' is... it's a type of cuddlin'. Y'know - holdin' someone else just for the sake of holdin'em. Like a bigger, longer hug for someone special. You got yourself and whoever layin' down together, all curled up with your back against their chest - or the other way 'round, guess that's possible. But the way you do it, it makes ya both look like spoons together in a drawer. So that's how it got its name.
It's good for naps. As far as I know, ain't done it myself.
[ Oh boy...poor Chipp and his precious, sweet, pure heart. How does someone so gruff and tough a once-human-serial killer also turn out to be a giant softie about these things??
Nen pauses midway through that spoonful of jello for his explanation, mulling it over in their head. It sounds...a little like the time they slept over at Saya, Kantera, Venti, and Yuri's house. Bedding and pillows all over the floor, flopping across Saya because she was a gosh-darn furnace and Nen absolutely adored it, staying up late into the night talking...
It sounds a little like that, only without the funny feeling in their chest. The funny feeling (happiness) was in their stomach. Also, Nen just laid on top of Saya and hugged her. There was no back-pressing involved...hmm. The more Nen thinks about it, the more they think perhaps they did not actually spoon at all. Perhaps the sleep-over is a poor example. ]
[Of course. Of course they're gonna ask that. What a jab right in that precious, sweet, pure heart of his. He ends up letting out a weary sigh, like he's a tired ol' dog that's sick of life and ready to pass on already.]
I ain't done it 'cause no one's liked me enough for it. What do you think of the Jello?
[- SPOON IN HIS FACE. It gets stared at with big, wide eyes, almost going cross-eyed with how close it is. He suddenly has no idea what's going on anymore. Again. Being... offered to be spoon-fed sweets?? And asked if he wants to cuddle????? By Nenonen?????????
Unsurprisingly, his face near immediately takes a bright, luminescent shade of Dayglo orange, glowing bright enough to make all of his freckles stand out.]
U-uhh...... [Is he even ALLOWED to say yes??] ... Well-- Like I said, it's good for naps... b-but I don't sleep, y'know - the dead don't gotta sleep, so it's... Kind of a waste, right?
[help he needs an adult an adultier adult that knows what to do]
[ Oh heck yes, high-level magic makes an unexpected appearance. Chipp looks like a night-light. Nen doesn't know what they did to produce this kind of reaction in Chipp, but they are very much for it. They've got to offer him Jello more often.
That said, that spoon? Still waiting in mid-air for him. ]
You turned yellow. [ Nenonen doesn't smile, but boy oh boy is it a near thing with the twitch the corners of their mouth gives. ] It's also for the "sake of just holding someone", yes? I will make that sake. You're very warm. I bet you make a great spoon.
[ Nen runs cold at just under 35 Celcius; so someone who runs extra-hot like Chipp? Like Saya? Feels wonderful. ]
[Oh, now he is just an even brighter shade. The blush is starting to trail down his neck and everything. He'd almost be sweating if that was something he did easily. Instead, he's looking up at the ceiling now, brow raised and scrunched in an expression Nen will likely not see for a long time beyond now - Catholic Guiltâ„¢.]
It's - You gotta save it for someone special! I ain't special! I'm just the one teachin' ya French and how to eat Jello!
[ listen I know it's on my subject like but CATHOLIC GUILT i'm dead. Nen is fine, but I am dying.
Chipp looking up at the ceiling really gives Nenonen a great view of all his majesty right now. Solid approval. Even if what he says next makes no sense to Nen. ]
But that is special. You're the only person who has ever done either for me.
[He's now blushing so brightly, it's questionable whether he's got any blood left in the rest of his body at all. (He doesn't. Reapers don't use blood the same way was humans. Fun fact.)
After a second of suffering further, he brings his hands to his face so he can give it a good, hard rub in frustration. Complete with the sort of frustrated grumble you might expect.]
It's about love! You do that kinda shit with the person ya love! Okay!? But I can't teach ya what that is, 'cause I don't got a fuckin' clue if I can feel love in the first place, so just - Look, there's a couple books in the box for that too, so read'em! Think about'em real hard! Then you can ask me for that kinda thing!
[Because yes, he did, in fact, make sure to grab a book or two on the concept of love and marriage. Because they want him as a husband. So it's only fair to make sure they actually understand what that even MEANS.]
[ Chipp the grim reaper night light, in all his high-level majesty... Nen really needs to talk about spoons with him more often if this is what it does. This is immensely satisfying. Just watching him rub his face makes Nenonen want to do the same.
Then, of course, he brings up the subject of "love" and Nen blinks. They've heard the word before--people say all the time how much the "love food x" or "love doing activity b." That's a degree of enjoyment. The kind of love Chipp's talking about is an emotional response. Or a concept. Both? Nen knows enough about it to know they don't understand it and aren't familiar with it enough to have an opinion on what it really is.
And Chipp obviously has some very strong feelings about it. ]
Does that mean I can't makes a spoon with you until I love you? What if you don't love me?
[This whole thing ends up with Chipp covering his face entirely, letting another grumble out into his hands. This feels like - Like sitting in an empty room with the "good" cop trying to get answers you don't have out of you. He hates that he has experience with that enough to make the comparison, but it's enough of a comparison to help him gain a bit more of his bearings. (Beside him, his helmet goes to static. Anytime he's feeling something this strong while it's nearby, it'll do that.)
His hands come away from his face with a sigh, just enough that he can look Nen right in theirs.]
... I don't know if I even feel love. I mean, if you decide ya love me or somethin', then I'll give it a shot. Ain't gonna deny you stuff you deserve to learn about, once you know enough 'bout it to make those kinda decisions. But just know it'll be for your sake.
[ They're friends. Friends protect each other, even if it's not from physical harm. Chipp does a lot for Nenonen's sake--teaching them, making sure they know what to be aware of in order to avoid being taken advantage of, to not make blind comparisons...and now he says he'd be willing to try it, if only just for them.
Nen brings the spoon of Jell-o back since he hasn't taken it, plops it in their mouth instead, and waits until they swallow before giving their response. ]
If you don't feel love then you'll never get to try it.
[ Nen can protect something for Chipp too. They can do this. ]
I will do it for your sake, too.
[ They will protect his heart, Nenonen decides. from missing out on stuff like this, regardless of whether he has love or not. ]
[There's no way in hell that Chipp wouldn't end up gawking at them for such a thing. For... his sake? They wanna do this stuff for his sake? Because he might not feel love? It's obvious just from the look on his face that he doesn't understand the idea in the slightest. Doing something like that, so selfless, for someone who may not get anything out of it - What's the point of that?
...
Then again, there was never any guarantee that your loved ones got anything out of having their graves tended to, either. And that's something he'd done for years, even in cities where he didn't know a single soul. His face twists up into something complicated, his usual permanent expression of anger colored with shades of emotions he doesn't even really have names for, and he lets himself have at least one nice thing out of all this - He wraps his arms around Nenonen and draws them close to his chest, tucking them under his chin in a snug embrace.]
... Just promise me you'll read the books 'n think hard 'bout the decisions you makin' here. Promise me that, and I'll... show you how to cuddle. Or spoon. Or whatever you lookin' for from me, here. You too good for someone like me. Too good.
[ Oh--that's. Unexpected. Nen probably spills some of their Jell-o as he tugs them forward like that, but...well, wrapped up close like this? Ina way that's only ever brought them comfort? Nen doesn't mind so much. It takes a second to really digest it, but within moments Nen begins to sink against him, spoon and cup abandoned in lieu of latching onto his shirt. Again. ]
...I promise.
[ Nen would promise him just about anything like this. ]
I'll read every word. And I will keep being good to you, because I want to.
[ If Chipp can be good to Nen, Nen can be good to Chipp. ]
Well, if you wanna do it, wouldn't be right for me to tell ya no.
[Said with a sigh in his voice, a clear sign that he's giving up on fighting it. If Nenonen chose him to explore this part of life with, then he's been chosen. As far as he figures, he can at least help them learn before sending them off to go find themself an actual partner.
The cold feeling of the Jello ending up against his stomach isn't hard to miss - with a wave of one of his hands, his magic scoops it all up, cup and all, to deposit neatly on the table.]
You done with the snacks? We can put it all up for later.
Wii. I am finished for now. But I will finish the gel-oh later.
[ So thanks for cleaning that up. Nen will be sure to nom that up as soon as they are not preoccupied with soaking up all the warmth that comes off of him by comparison.
Little does Chipp know the true protector here will be Nenonen...protecting his pure lil heart. ]
[That embrace is now at its end! Because he needs his arms for scooping them up, instead. His helmet gets moved (magically) out of the way, that spoon-antennae being quickly (magically) soldered back into its usual form so he doesn't forgot it behind, and then - He flops onto his side on the sofa, bringing Nenonen with him.
... It's a bit of a squeeze. But he doesn't mind if he's gotta bend one leg, let the other fall off. It's not about his comfort, here. It's about giving Nenonen the experience they wanted. So they get to be the little spoon. Who cares if he's the world's worst big spoon???]
[ Nenonen lets out a tiny squeak--like the sort of sound someone would make on being a little squished--and then they're sideways. Chipp behind them, both of them squished onto Nen's tiny couch.
It's nice.
Chipp is big and broad (and so, so wamr), and Nenonen is just noodly enough that somehow, they make it work. Sure, a limb or two might be sticking out and a bed/sleepover spread might fit this better (notes for next time), but as new and strange as the sensation is, Nenonen decides very quickly: they like it.
It takes a little shuffling and wriggling on their part to find the optimal position, but soon Nen flattens back against him and lets out a tiny, pleased huff. ]
I am a comfy spoon.
NO DW I KNOW im just screaming because WII... theyre trying so hard
Well, there you go. Now ya know what it's like to be a spoon. A comfy spoon.
[And as much as he argued against it no less than a couple of minutes ago, he isn't too prideful to admit that it is, in fact, comfy. Not as comfy as it could be (his next thought is "hm, maybe should have just flopped on the floor", like the Totally Normal Person he is), but comfy enough.
...
After a second, he tosses his cloak over them as well. Like a blanket. It smells an awful lot like fire, but don't worry about that, it's fine.]
See how it's s'pposed to be good for naps? Meant to be cozy, or... somethin' like that.
[ Especially with Chipp's fire blanket tossed over them like this. Nen takes a second to wait for the air inside the blanket to heat up...then makes a pleased sound and relaxes a little more.
They let their head plunk down against the couch cushions and stare at the table full of gifts and books Chipp brought for them, a weird, happy sort of tightness taking root in their chest. ]
[ Nen ponders for a moment. It's three hours, plenty of time for most people to lie down, catch a cat-nap, and wake up again before the day changes over. It's also the time of day Nenonen feels the most anxious, even with more than a month spent in Ellipsa under their belt. They have never not been hyper-aware of the time in the hours leading up to midnight. ]
I think I will stay awake. Thank-you though.
[ Nen really appreciates it, especially coming from someone who does understand their reasoning like Chipp. ]
[Not a question he expected, but frankly not one he's surprised by. He may as well loop an arm over them properly if they're really gonna lay around like this, wide awake, for three entire hours.]
Well. I brought plenty o' snacks and drinks and a lotta books to read, so... Don't see why not, I guess.
Like I said, Reapers like me ain't got no use for sleep. I'd be able to hang out the whole time, if ya really wanted to.
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He actually has to look away in thought for a moment, rubbing his chin as his face scrunches up.]
... Okay, it's -
Well, first, don't go doin' this with just... anyone, okay? It's kinda special, save it for someone special to ya.
Someone that makes your chest feel funny, you know? The kinda person you wanna see all the time.
[This is the closest he's probably ever going to get when it comes to explaining what love is.
Because that's the closest he's ever really figured out for himself.]
Spoonin' is... it's a type of cuddlin'. Y'know - holdin' someone else just for the sake of holdin'em. Like a bigger, longer hug for someone special.
You got yourself and whoever layin' down together, all curled up with your back against their chest - or the other way 'round, guess that's possible.
But the way you do it, it makes ya both look like spoons together in a drawer. So that's how it got its name.
It's good for naps. As far as I know, ain't done it myself.
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[ Oh boy...poor Chipp and his precious, sweet, pure heart. How does someone so gruff and tough a once-human-serial killer also turn out to be a giant softie about these things??
Nen pauses midway through that spoonful of jello for his explanation, mulling it over in their head. It sounds...a little like the time they slept over at Saya, Kantera, Venti, and Yuri's house. Bedding and pillows all over the floor, flopping across Saya because she was a gosh-darn furnace and Nen absolutely adored it, staying up late into the night talking...
It sounds a little like that, only without the funny feeling in their chest. The funny feeling (happiness) was in their stomach. Also, Nen just laid on top of Saya and hugged her. There was no back-pressing involved...hmm. The more Nen thinks about it, the more they think perhaps they did not actually spoon at all. Perhaps the sleep-over is a poor example. ]
Why haven't you spooned before? It sounds nice.
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[Of course. Of course they're gonna ask that. What a jab right in that precious, sweet, pure heart of his.
He ends up letting out a weary sigh, like he's a tired ol' dog that's sick of life and ready to pass on already.]
I ain't done it 'cause no one's liked me enough for it.
What do you think of the Jello?
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[ Nen pops the spoon out of their mouth and takes another scoop, this time holding it out to him. ]
I like you. Do you want to spoon with me?
[ Jello AND two kinds of spooning, what a bargain!! ]
1/2;
2/2;
It gets stared at with big, wide eyes, almost going cross-eyed with how close it is.
He suddenly has no idea what's going on anymore. Again.
Being... offered to be spoon-fed sweets?? And asked if he wants to cuddle?????
By Nenonen?????????
Unsurprisingly, his face near immediately takes a bright, luminescent shade of Dayglo orange, glowing bright enough to make all of his freckles stand out.]
U-uhh...... [Is he even ALLOWED to say yes??] ... Well--
Like I said, it's good for naps... b-but I don't sleep, y'know - the dead don't gotta sleep, so it's...
Kind of a waste, right?
[help he needs an adult
an adultier adult that knows what to do]
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That said, that spoon? Still waiting in mid-air for him. ]
You turned yellow. [ Nenonen doesn't smile, but boy oh boy is it a near thing with the twitch the corners of their mouth gives. ] It's also for the "sake of just holding someone", yes? I will make that sake. You're very warm. I bet you make a great spoon.
[ Nen runs cold at just under 35 Celcius; so someone who runs extra-hot like Chipp? Like Saya? Feels wonderful. ]
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Instead, he's looking up at the ceiling now, brow raised and scrunched in an expression Nen will likely not see for a long time beyond now -
Catholic Guiltâ„¢.]
It's -
You gotta save it for someone special! I ain't special!
I'm just the one teachin' ya French and how to eat Jello!
CATHOLIC GUILT ICAN'T
Chipp looking up at the ceiling really gives Nenonen a great view of all his majesty right now. Solid approval. Even if what he says next makes no sense to Nen. ]
But that is special. You're the only person who has ever done either for me.
[ Nenonen uses: Flawless Logic ]
listen he's SUFFERING ok
[He's now blushing so brightly, it's questionable whether he's got any blood left in the rest of his body at all.
(He doesn't. Reapers don't use blood the same way was humans. Fun fact.)
After a second of suffering further, he brings his hands to his face so he can give it a good, hard rub in frustration. Complete with the sort of frustrated grumble you might expect.]
It's about love! You do that kinda shit with the person ya love! Okay!?
But I can't teach ya what that is, 'cause I don't got a fuckin' clue if I can feel love in the first place, so just -
Look, there's a couple books in the box for that too, so read'em! Think about'em real hard!
Then you can ask me for that kinda thing!
[Because yes, he did, in fact, make sure to grab a book or two on the concept of love and marriage. Because they want him as a husband.
So it's only fair to make sure they actually understand what that even MEANS.]
HE SURE IS
Then, of course, he brings up the subject of "love" and Nen blinks. They've heard the word before--people say all the time how much the "love food x" or "love doing activity b." That's a degree of enjoyment. The kind of love Chipp's talking about is an emotional response. Or a concept. Both? Nen knows enough about it to know they don't understand it and aren't familiar with it enough to have an opinion on what it really is.
And Chipp obviously has some very strong feelings about it. ]
Does that mean I can't makes a spoon with you until I love you? What if you don't love me?
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This feels like -
Like sitting in an empty room with the "good" cop trying to get answers you don't have out of you.
He hates that he has experience with that enough to make the comparison, but it's enough of a comparison to help him gain a bit more of his bearings.
(Beside him, his helmet goes to static. Anytime he's feeling something this strong while it's nearby, it'll do that.)
His hands come away from his face with a sigh, just enough that he can look Nen right in theirs.]
... I don't know if I even feel love.
I mean, if you decide ya love me or somethin', then I'll give it a shot. Ain't gonna deny you stuff you deserve to learn about, once you know enough 'bout it to make those kinda decisions.
But just know it'll be for your sake.
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[ They're friends. Friends protect each other, even if it's not from physical harm. Chipp does a lot for Nenonen's sake--teaching them, making sure they know what to be aware of in order to avoid being taken advantage of, to not make blind comparisons...and now he says he'd be willing to try it, if only just for them.
Nen brings the spoon of Jell-o back since he hasn't taken it, plops it in their mouth instead, and waits until they swallow before giving their response. ]
If you don't feel love then you'll never get to try it.
[ Nen can protect something for Chipp too. They can do this. ]
I will do it for your sake, too.
[ They will protect his heart, Nenonen decides. from missing out on stuff like this, regardless of whether he has love or not. ]
YOURE KILLIN ME SMALLS
[There's no way in hell that Chipp wouldn't end up gawking at them for such a thing.
For... his sake? They wanna do this stuff for his sake? Because he might not feel love?
It's obvious just from the look on his face that he doesn't understand the idea in the slightest. Doing something like that, so selfless, for someone who may not get anything out of it -
What's the point of that?
...
Then again, there was never any guarantee that your loved ones got anything out of having their graves tended to, either.
And that's something he'd done for years, even in cities where he didn't know a single soul.
His face twists up into something complicated, his usual permanent expression of anger colored with shades of emotions he doesn't even really have names for, and he lets himself have at least one nice thing out of all this -
He wraps his arms around Nenonen and draws them close to his chest, tucking them under his chin in a snug embrace.]
... Just promise me you'll read the books 'n think hard 'bout the decisions you makin' here.
Promise me that, and I'll... show you how to cuddle. Or spoon. Or whatever you lookin' for from me, here.
You too good for someone like me. Too good.
FLEXES
...I promise.
[ Nen would promise him just about anything like this. ]
I'll read every word. And I will keep being good to you, because I want to.
[ If Chipp can be good to Nen, Nen can be good to Chipp. ]
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[Said with a sigh in his voice, a clear sign that he's giving up on fighting it. If Nenonen chose him to explore this part of life with, then he's been chosen.
As far as he figures, he can at least help them learn before sending them off to go find themself an actual partner.
The cold feeling of the Jello ending up against his stomach isn't hard to miss - with a wave of one of his hands, his magic scoops it all up, cup and all, to deposit neatly on the table.]
You done with the snacks? We can put it all up for later.
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[ So thanks for cleaning that up. Nen will be sure to nom that up as soon as they are not preoccupied with soaking up all the warmth that comes off of him by comparison.
Little does Chipp know the true protector here will be Nenonen...protecting his pure lil heart.]WII????
[That embrace is now at its end! Because he needs his arms for scooping them up, instead.
His helmet gets moved (magically) out of the way, that spoon-antennae being quickly (magically) soldered back into its usual form so he doesn't forgot it behind, and then -
He flops onto his side on the sofa, bringing Nenonen with him.
... It's a bit of a squeeze. But he doesn't mind if he's gotta bend one leg, let the other fall off. It's not about his comfort, here.
It's about giving Nenonen the experience they wanted.
So they get to be the little spoon. Who cares if he's the world's worst big spoon???]
Here ya go. Go on, get comfy.
wii...oui......sobs in french
It's nice.
Chipp is big and broad (and so, so wamr), and Nenonen is just noodly enough that somehow, they make it work. Sure, a limb or two might be sticking out and a bed/sleepover spread might fit this better (notes for next time), but as new and strange as the sensation is, Nenonen decides very quickly: they like it.
It takes a little shuffling and wriggling on their part to find the optimal position, but soon Nen flattens back against him and lets out a tiny, pleased huff. ]
I am a comfy spoon.
NO DW I KNOW im just screaming because WII... theyre trying so hard
A comfy spoon.
[And as much as he argued against it no less than a couple of minutes ago, he isn't too prideful to admit that it is, in fact, comfy.
Not as comfy as it could be (his next thought is "hm, maybe should have just flopped on the floor", like the Totally Normal Person he is), but comfy enough.
...
After a second, he tosses his cloak over them as well. Like a blanket.
It smells an awful lot like fire, but don't worry about that, it's fine.]
See how it's s'pposed to be good for naps? Meant to be cozy, or... somethin' like that.
NEN TRIES SO HARD ;w;
[ Especially with Chipp's fire blanket tossed over them like this. Nen takes a second to wait for the air inside the blanket to heat up...then makes a pleased sound and relaxes a little more.
They let their head plunk down against the couch cushions and stare at the table full of gifts and books Chipp brought for them, a weird, happy sort of tightness taking root in their chest. ]
What time is it?
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[He's gotta wrangle it out of his pocket, but the question's enough to get him to pull out his phone and check.
He knows the reason why, after all.]
... Just a li'l past nine. Thinkin' about takin' a nap for real?
Could wake you up 'fore midnight rolls around, if ya want.
[Look. Three hours is still a nap in his eyes. Screw those piddly-ass 45 minute naps, he goes in for the long haul.]
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[ Nen ponders for a moment. It's three hours, plenty of time for most people to lie down, catch a cat-nap, and wake up again before the day changes over. It's also the time of day Nenonen feels the most anxious, even with more than a month spent in Ellipsa under their belt. They have never not been hyper-aware of the time in the hours leading up to midnight. ]
I think I will stay awake. Thank-you though.
[ Nen really appreciates it, especially coming from someone who does understand their reasoning like Chipp. ]
Can we stay like this until midnight?
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Well. I brought plenty o' snacks and drinks and a lotta books to read, so...
Don't see why not, I guess.
Like I said, Reapers like me ain't got no use for sleep. I'd be able to hang out the whole time, if ya really wanted to.
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[ Nen is gonna get on that so fast if he's offering. Nen cranes their neck to peer back at him, eyes already bright and keen. ]
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1/2;
2/2;
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wao lookin at nen's legs there huh i see i see
i almost had him actually go and feel for muscle but that wouldve meant letting their hands go 😔
OH WEH that would have been cute....maybe even ticklish lmfao
1/2; note to self: tickle punishment for face squishing
2/2;
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im sorry he's so awkward
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why did spell check tell me "inferrance" is correct
spellcheck trolling you this early in the morning is rude
taking advantage of my dyslexia, knowing id shrug like "ok sure that looks correct"
pats u :'c
pats nen so much more???
jdkf ;u;/// also **nod, not now gd hamhands
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eyyy camping psl becomes canon B)
no no, sweet & tender first time first, THEN the camping psl
oh weh....precious
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cw: mention of euthanasia/suicide...of a sort? choosing death over going home basically
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